Have you ever found yourself staring for long periods of time at a hero crate, believing that you can will it to release the hero of your desire? Do you experience fits of rage when yet ANOTHER 60 frags of Operator is added to your account? Are you spending more than 30 minutes a night crying yourself to sleep over the fact you will never EVER get Brogan to gloriously drop into your lap when you open your next crate?
FEAR NOT! I am here to tell you that there is a whole community of us experiencing the same symptoms. We feel your pain and can help guide you toward salvation.
Alas, the time has come where I must break my silence and discuss my legendary crate rituals. None of which work.
Below are some of the techniques which I gladly share with the community here. They all completely fail at achieving my goal of getting either Brogan or Prophet but with just a touch of faith and a dash of hope, one day they will prove effective.
- Stare intently at the crate for at least 10 seconds visualizing the hero I want to drop before tapping the crate.
- Review the hero stats and story, imagining myself in their shoes.
- Crack open a beer and pretend I’m sitting on the hood of a car with Brogan sharing war stories and laughing at the fool we just threw beer on.
- Dress up as Brogan.
- Sit in my backyard, hiding under a pile of my kids toys whilst staring down the scope of my sons NERF gun imaging I’m Prophet stalking my prey.
- Rub Brogan’s belly as if he were Buddha in hopes that he will bring me luck before I open the holy crate.
- Tap the crate and quickly put the phone screen to my head while I send mental waves of hope to the game.
- Perform the sacred crate dance to the tune of Don’t Stop Believin by Journey.
- Promise the HHG gods that I will name my third born son after a developer.
- Sob uncontrollably knowing that my next crate will be just another 60 frags of Bolt.
Anyone else got some rituals they perform prior to opening a crate? I’m hoping one of these may lead to me finally getting my last two heroes!